The 1st thing to note about loneliness, is that there’s nothing wrong with you. This is really important and you must understand this.

As I was researching this article, I took a look at the Google search terms. I got a little upset as I saw how people are suffering.

• Why i am lonely?
• Lonely and alone
• I am lonely and depressed
• Why am i lonely?
• I am so lonely
• How to deal with loneliness?

But here’s the point. You might be lonely but you’re not alone - millions of people are going through the same thing. The cause of your loneliness isn’t that you’re a loser. There isn’t anything wrong with you. Loneliness is a by product of modern life, and millions of people are feeling it.

Sometimes, you’re put in situations where you become lonely. Maybe your co-workers are jerks. Maybe a loved one has passed away.

I’ve been lonely at different stages in my life. I worked abroad and was away from my family. When I was at school in London, I experienced a lot of racist bullying. My situation at school was the worst. I was ashamed and thought I was a loser. I thought that the world was laughing at me.

Here’s the thing. There wasn’t anything wrong with me and there’s nothing wrong with you! Because loneliness is so common, there are lots of simple solutions.

Do you sit at home and think, “I am so lonely”? If so, that bottle of wine can seem awfully appealing… You already know that drugs and alcohol don’t work, but it’s important to repeat it. There’s an important reason why drugs don’t work.

When you take drugs, you feel on top of the world. All of your problems go away - it’s an instant shot of happiness. The problem is that the feeling of happiness doesn’t come for free – there’s always a payback. It might be a hangover, depression or heart failure - but the payback is always worse than the benefit.

That’s the problem with drugs. You get the benefit straight away, but the payback comes later. Alcohol and drugs won’t solve your loneliness. Your problems will be just as bad in the morning, but you’ll also feel like crap.

Drugs and alcohol are never the answer. I’ve written a separate article on how to cope when really bad things happen in life.

To deal with loneliness, it’s important to think about why you’re lonely. What’s the cause of your loneliness? For some people, this answer will be clear. Maybe you’ve moved to a new city or a loved one has died. There could be lots of reasons:

• You’ve moved to a new country
• A loved one has passed on
• You’re not married
• You’re scared to meet people. You worry about your appearance or that you’re boring
• You have friends, but you feel empty inside
• You’re being bullied by your colleagues

Bullying can be a massive problem that tricks you into thinking you’re lonely. If you have colleagues that are jerks and bully you, it can be disheartening to go to work. It can knock your confidence and make you believe that everyone hates you. The key thing is to find different people that do want to speak to you. The great thing is that there’s loads of these people out there!

How to deal with loneliness? The 1st solution is to turn off Instagram! You really don’t need to see details of your friend’s perfect lives. If you’re lonely and alone, then you need to surround yourself in positivity – Instagram isn’t it!

Instagram is fake anyway. It’s a medium where people show off and give a false impression of their lives. My wife has a friend. She goes to expensive restaurants with her boyfriend, and they order a starter and 1 glass of wine. She makes sure to get a photo and load it on Instagram. So now everyone thinks that she eats in Michelin star restaurants all the time. That’s the point, Instagram is about fakeness and showing off. It won’t help you to deal with loneliness.

People often ask “why am I lonely?” The simple answer may be that you don’t speak to the people you already know. You may think that nobody wants to speak to you. You’re probably wrong!

Go through the contacts list on your phone - there’ll be hundreds of people there. Most of these people won’t be your best buddies, but there’s some people that would love to hear from you.

Just shoot them a text message and ask how they’re doing. You may just share a few messages, but it’s nice to know that people do want to speak to you. Make a habit of doing this regularly.

This is an obvious solution but may not be one that you follow. I’ve met people who say that they’re so lonely, but also moan that their mum won’t stop bugging them! There’s a simple solution, speak to your family members!

You may not have much in common with your brother or maybe you find your parents boring. But if you’re experiencing loneliness, then you should speak to them.

There’ll be some readers that don’t have family members to call, and that’s ok too. In the following sections, I provide solutions.

Most people have friends through their work or their existing network. There can be reasons why you can’t access these networks at certain points in your life. This also presents an opportunity – there are other solutions.

In every town and city, there’s tons of local meetups for every hobby. Whatever your interests are, there’ll be a meetup for you. I’ve even seen meetups for shy people to interact!

There’ll be some readers that might think that they’re boring, or they’re embarrassed of their physical appearance. Maybe you’ve tried to make friends, but always end up looking stupid. For this reason, you might be scared to attend local meetups. What I would say, is that you must try to get past your fear. Every time you go to meetup, you’re doing something positive in your life. Whether you make a friend or not, it doesn’t matter. By walking out your door, you did something positive in your life, and you need to be proud of yourself.

When people ask why they’re lonely, they don’t normally think about religion. I don’t want a debate about god in this article – atheists and believers are welcome to my blog! The important thing about houses of worship, is that anyone is welcome and they want to speak to you. If you’re feeling lonely and depressed, then it’s something to consider.

People often turn to religion when they’re going through difficult times. The people in your church will be used to dealing with individuals in crisis, and they want to help.

Another great way to deal with loneliness is to volunteer for a charity. Charities are desperate for people to help out in soup kitchens or mentor kids. People from all walks of life volunteer for charity and you’ll meet tons of great people.

Charity is a great thing to do anyway, and you’ll be helping the world. I’ve mentored underprivileged children for years and have loved every moment of it. It’s difficult to feel lonely when you’re helping people with their lives!

The other side of charity is that you can speak to organisations that help with loneliness. Loneliness is so widespread and there’s loads of charities to choose from.

You mustn’t feel any stigma for speaking to a charity. When you ask “why am I so lonely”, they would have heard it many times before. Organisations have been set up to help people deal with loneliness – they’ll know exactly what you’re going through.

Loneliness and depression go hand in hand. You have time to yourself and focus on the negative aspects of your life. Negative thoughts can feed on themselves and can knock your confidence. To help break this cycle, try to surround yourself in positivity. This can mean different things to different people.

When I was working abroad alone, I would have lots of photos of my family. It served as a reminder of the good things in my life.

When I was out of work, I felt that I lacked self-worth. So I wrote down a list of things that I had achieved in my life. I made sure to read this list every morning as a reminder, and to avoid focussing on the negativity of the situation.

This idea is more powerful than it sounds. If you spend more time thinking about the good things in your life, then you don’t let depression gain a foothold in your mind. This will give you more confidence, and your loneliness may go away naturally.

Loneliness is a horrible feeling. Not only is the loneliness bad, but it tricks you into thinking you’re a loser. In this article I’ve given some clear strategies, that you can use to deal with loneliness. The key lesson is that there’s many people out there, that want to speak to you. These may be friends you’ve lost contact with or people in an organisation that you’ve haven’t met yet. Loneliness is a huge problem in modern society – you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you.

I’d love to hear what you think about my article. Does it resonate with you? Leave a comment below!